I was halfway through reading a copy of Elvia Wilkes Oval, a novel about a fictional feminist dystopia, when an all too familiar wave of depression hit me.
Attempting to decipher the words printed on the page proved impossible.
Knowing that this episode has been draining me for weeks, and not willing to wait that long to find out the fate of the main character, I made The Unthinkable: Audio Version.
As I listened, it struck me that these audiobooks might be the thing that could help me manage my bipolar disorder.
Bipolar manifests itself differently in each person suffering from the illness. For me, since the diagnosis, I have experienced debilitating periods of depression.
They are suicidal and unable to move, talk or eat; My lack of energy won’t allow me to do more basic tasks.
At my lowest I would stop drinking water, because I know I don’t have the strength to get to the bathroom.
During these events I feel nothing.
My only cognitive experience is a persuasive voice in my head, which I recognize as my own, persuading me that there is no reason to go on, and that I must end my life.
In the past, when these things happened, I would knock myself out with sleeping pills.
I spent most of my year this way. unconscious Waiting for the pain to pass.
Then, when the episodes were uploaded, I started answering the many messages, emails and calls that I missed. I always had an excuse, never wanting to be honest about my mess and ashamed of my inability to “get on with life”.
One of the worst aspects of my episodes was the shame of lying in bed with those days and not getting anything, a feeling that I had to compensate for by getting double the weeks that I wasn’t disabled.
World Bipolar Day – March 30th 2026
The purpose of World Bipolar Day is to raise global awareness of bipolar disorders and to eliminate social stigma and discrimination.
Every year, Bipolar UK celebrates World Bipolar Day by running events and activities online and across the country to raise awareness, share stories, and raise vital funds to help those affected.
For more information please visit: https://www.bipolaruk.org/get-involved/world-bipolar-day
This caused undue stress, which affected the rest of my life.
I still experience these events. I always will. But a few years ago, everything changed.
I stuck to a friend, a steady, life raft, to support me in the dark days.
As loud as it may sound: audiobooks have improved things dramatically.
When a friend suggested that I might like a listening app, I laughed and declared that ‘listening to audiobooks doesn’t count as reading!’
But then that happened, when I was reading the book.
As soon as I started listening instead of focusing on the written page, I felt relaxed. Unparalleled feelings of certainty. relief
My mind slowed down and stopped racing through scary, suicidal thoughts. There was silence. A sense of peace.
In my episodes I really can’t bring myself to move. Listening to audiobooks, I don’t need to.
When the suicidal voice in my mind is frighteningly strong, I find that the gentle flow of the narrator’s words can distract me.
When I’m at rock bottom, I feel like no one hurts like me.
Do you use audiobooks as a way to cope with stressful or difficult times?
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Yes, I often listen to audiobooks for relaxation.
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No, but it sounds like a good idea.
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I prefer to read physical books instead.
Yet, in the background, through my speaker, the characters battle through discrimination, war, disease, heartbreak and death.
Visions make their way through the sludge of my mind. Memories of love. hope humanity
Audiobooks make me feel like I’m really not alone.
When I was first diagnosed, I spent several weeks in a psychiatric hospital.
I tried everything – drugs, CBT, wellness retreats.
Some of it definitely helpbut nothing cured me, and audiobooks had more of an effect than anything else.
It is clear that words help me manage these episodes of depression. I love the transformative power of language.
Studying English at university, and working as a freelance journalist, I have always loved reading and writing.
I thought the written word was the only way to get information, and thought it would be beyond me during a crisis.
But now, instead of throwing myself, I am learning. By playing audiobooks, I am able to stay awake.
I have an audio subscription, which includes three audiobooks a month.
With my smartphone connected via Bluetooth to a speaker in my room, I’ll play it, often backwards, until major stressful events pass.
I wondered if audiobooks evoked fond memories of reading as a child.
My father read to me extensively.
He got through the Lord of the Rings trilogy by the time I was 10, and these positive memories are one of the reasons I believe audiobooks were the most effective coping method for my depression.
During my last episode, I read Kay Redfield Jamison’s book An Uncertain Mind, a remarkable memoir that explores Jamison’s experience living with bipolar disorder.
So far, I have not met anyone else who consciously uses audiobooks to self-medicate their mental illness.
In 2023 I started a series of free bipolar workshops and intend to discuss my personal experience with the benefits of audiobooks, and the positive impact they have had on me.
Attract people to audio versions of content; Be it podcasts, novels, memoirs, non-fiction or lectures.
In an era of endless scrolling and endless computer screens, we are choosing alternative methods of getting information.
I hope others find relief from mental or physical pain through this tool.
In a world of over-stimulation, over-production, sensory bombardment and distracted attention spans, I find comfort in the simple comfort of being transported by another man’s voice.
And it gave me a break I never thought possible.
Do you have a story you want to share? Contact jessica.aureli@metro.co.uk by email.
Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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#upset #didnt #drink #water #strangers #voice #saved