Recent decades have seen seismic changes in how we parent. Dads today are much more hands-on than their fathers or grandfathers – changing diapers in the middle of the night, working with story time, and taking precious maternity leave when they can. As I walk through Brooklyn, New York, I see many fathers playing with their children in the park. I’m sure that wouldn’t have been the case a few decades ago. This evolution is interesting in many ways.
Fathers and mothers are different, and each brings unique advantages to raising children. Fathers often excel in spontaneous play that builds resilience and confidence in children, while modeling strength, respect for authority, problem solving, and emotional stability. Mothers, on the other hand, provide an irreplaceable nurturing home. Together, they create balance. But if we really want dads to stay deeply involved, we need to take their unique challenges seriously rather than assume they’re fine as long as mom and baby are okay.
A remarkable study published last week in JAMA Network Open drives home this point. Researchers followed more than one million fathers in Sweden whose children were born between 2003 and 2021. What they found was eye-opening: A father’s risk of depression and stress-related disorders increased by more than 30 percent by the end of the child’s first year. Danger indeed decreases During pregnancy and the first few months after birth, presumably because everyone is in survival mode, the laser focus is on the newborn. Anxiety and substance-related issues return to pre-pregnancy baselines by the one-year mark. And depression and stress? They develop later, when the initial adrenaline wears off and the long distance of fatherhood really sets in.
A father’s risk of depression and stress-related disorders increases by more than 30 percent by the end of his child’s first year.
Dr. Khatia Moon, medical director of the Collaborative Care Program at Northwell Health, puts it perfectly in the NYPost: “Screening for mental health concerns in fathers is very important and something that really hasn’t been done very much. Maybe if we did more screening, we’d have more of an opportunity to catch fathers when they’re struggling and support them.”
He notes that fathers often prioritize the vulnerability of mother and child, initially moving into a purely supportive role. This ruthlessness is great, but it takes a toll. “I wonder if it’s going to be more difficult to keep up,” she said. Fathers also lack the community that mothers enjoy through prenatal appointments, mother groups, and endless baby visits. No one seriously asks the father how? he is A dream or a feeling. It needs to change, starting at home.
It’s not just about feelings, though. Did you know that a man’s biology also changes when he has a baby? Science confirms this. Studies show that testosterone levels often drop significantly in new dads — sometimes by 25 percent or more — especially among those who do a lot of hands-on care, such as feeding, bathing and playing.
Low testosterone is not a sign of weakness, but it does seem to shift a man’s priorities away from competition or companionship efforts toward training. It makes sense. After all, we are biologically designed for family, and family is biologically designed to make societies less aggressive, more secure and united.
Oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” also increases in fathers after birth, promoting physical closeness, emotional dominance, and the protective balance we see when a parent picks up an injured or crying child. Cortisol, the stress hormone, helpfully increases when a parent hears a baby cry (helping them react quickly), but decreases during skin-to-skin contact or play, reinforcing positive attention loops.
Brain imaging reveals neuroplasticity in ancestors—structural and functional changes in areas related to empathy, emotion regulation, and reward processing. These changes occur through real-world parent-child interactions, not pregnancy hormones. In short, fatherhood actually rewires a man to be a better father. Be the best version of yourself for yourself, your family and your community.
But when these changes collide with sleep deprivation, financial stress, relationship stress, and societal expectations for “man-making,” the result can be isolation, depression, or outright depression. One study even linked low testosterone nine months after birth in fathers to an increased risk of hypertension, while very high levels were sometimes associated with hostility in the environment.
We ignore it at our peril.
We ignore it at our peril. As we discussed earlier, involved fathers produce better outcomes for children: higher academic achievement, stronger emotional regulation, and lower rates of behavior problems. Children with present, involved fathers are less likely to struggle with anxiety or crime later. Strong father-child relationships also protect marriages. Couples who move to transition together report higher satisfaction and a lower risk of divorce.
Yet our culture still treats maternal mental health as an afterthought or even a joke. Postpartum support is largely mother-centered (rightly so in many ways—mothers face their own hormonal tsunami). But dads deserve more than a pat on the back and “you got it, man.” We need practical, targeted help: routine mental health screenings for fathers at child visits (as we do for mothers), father-specific, male-led support groups or apps that normalize the struggle, and encouragement of couples counseling during this major transition. Employers can extend meaningful maternity leave without stigma. Churches, neighborhoods, and extended families can create the kind of “dad community” we’ve created for moms, like a Saturday morning breakfast with other dads to share the week’s events, a movie they’ve seen, or war stories.
We also don’t know how men’s work is affected when they have a new baby at home. Lack of sleep and financial damage to their work environment, sometimes reduce their productivity and challenge their professional identity. It can also take a significant toll on a man’s mental health.
We already have problems with our women’s mental health system when it comes to men. We tell men they have to change to work with the system. But maybe we need to change the system so it better responds to men’s needs. We can do this by developing male-led and male-centered treatment solutions, which suit them. We should also encourage more young people to enter the medical profession. Only 20% of psychologists today are men, and boys and men are paying the price for it.
Corresponding author of the study, Dr. Donggao Lu, highlighted the urgent need: “Late increase in depression…highlights the need to pay attention to warning signs of mental illness in fathers long after childbirth.” The first year isn’t just about baby miles. It’s a time when fathers quietly struggle with the weight of identity, purpose, and relationship-time provision. If we help them through this—through honest conversations, practical comfort, resources, and zero judgment—we get more present dads, happier marriages, and thriving kids.
A family where both parents struggle in silence is not good for anyone, least of all the child.
But support for the father should stop after the child phase ends. Fatherhood doesn’t end when the kids grow up, and neither does the struggle. Men carry heavy burdens at every stage: relentless financial pressures, worry about their children’s guidance in life, deep concerns about their mental health, and constant fear of how the world will treat them. These challenges don’t magically disappear when children turn eighteen.
We need real, ongoing support for men through every chapter of fatherhood.
I am not suggesting that we minimize the challenges of mothering, and supporting fathers does not mean we stop supporting mothers. These are not competing reasons. Postpartum depression in mothers is real and devastating, and we’ve made great strides in reducing it. I had two family members experience postpartum depression, and it was heartbreaking. The progress we have made for mothers is worth preserving. But let’s extend that compassion to fathers regardless of whether men or women experience parenting the same way. Biology, roles, and wiring are different, and that’s a good thing to respect. Celebrating these differences while refusing to leave anyone out is how we create more resilient families. Both parents are important. Both deserve support. And a family where both parents struggle in silence is not good for anyone, least of all the child.
If we do more to address masculinity and fatherhood—through screening, community, biological awareness, and cultural support—I believe we’ll see more involved fathers and stronger families. The data supports it. Science backs it up. And the future of children depends on it.
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