In the kitchen of his off-campus apartment, UNC Chapel Hill sophomore Tate Manell adds butter to a pan. He lets it melt and sear before adding it to country-style beef ribs. For this former lacrosse player, the primary focus of every meal is protein. He pairs the beef with a bowl of rice and some Japanese barbecue sauce, his go-to for dinner. Manel started cooking for himself when he was 14, the same age he started obsessing over his body size.
Unlike Anorexia, Manel wanted to be big instead of small. Like many teenage boys, this goal came from sports. Tackling on the field by older and older players, as well as teasing by teammates, contributed to his negative body image.
“It’s your friends, so it’s kind of funny. But it still hits me subconsciously,” Manell said. Manel said. “Like when I’m at the gym or I’m eating I don’t want to finish the meal and I’ll just think about it, like, ‘Oh they call you Twig, they call you skinny, they call you small. And I’m going to show it.’
When it comes to eating disorders and body image concerns, boys and men are often overlooked. However, some struggle with an obsession with gaining and bulking up muscles. Research shows that nearly a third of teenage boys in the United States are trying to gain weight, and about a quarter are taking supplements or steroids or eating too much.
Manel started eating as much as possible and taking creatine exercise supplements. The now 20-year-old recalls gaining 40 pounds in just two months, but it didn’t last. Manell said he ate until he felt like throwing up every meal, and after the feeling went away, he would do it all over again. During his junior year of high school he worked out two to four hours a day, often lifting weights in addition to lacrosse.
Muscle dysmorphia, also known as bigorexia or reverse anorexia, is a form of body dysmorphic disorder, according to the National Eating Disorders Association. Individuals constantly feel like they are not muscular enough, regardless of how they look.
While she has never been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder, Manell said she feels like 150 pounds even though she weighs 210.
“It never affected my life. I was never depressed about my body image. It was just like, ‘Dang, I need to stop, or I need to do this,'” Manell said. “It’s hard to say no because I was definitely in high school like, ‘Oh I’m small, I hate myself’.”
Although people with eating disorders are largely stereotyped as women, a 2019 US study shows that about a third are men. But this bias makes them less likely to seek treatment and get diagnosed. Chantal Gill, clinical director of the Duke Center for Eating Disorders, said people don’t need a diagnosis before seeking help and treatment.
“We don’t want to put you in a box and we don’t want to create a barrier by saying you need this label to get it because I think some people think they’re not sick enough,” Gill said. “If it’s sad, we want to help you.”
She also said that those with an eating disorder or body dysmorphic disorder appear healthy, despite the destruction in their minds and bodies.
Zach Harding, a bodybuilder and personal trainer at Gold Gym Chapel Hill, developed the eating disorder anorexia at age 18. Before he discovered weight lifting he weighed as little as 100 pounds. He began eating more and returned to a normal weight but said it was all to improve his appearance.
“I was in quote, not to mention good health,” Harding said. “But mentally, I was still in the same place. It was all about how I looked.”
Although exercise is a common compulsive behavior in those with bigorexia, Gill still encourages it for her patients because she says it’s all about intention.
“If you go to the gym because it makes you feel good and moving your body makes you feel good and you really enjoy yoga, you enjoy running, you enjoy lifting weights: amazing. We want that for you,” she said. “Now, when people think, ‘I want to change my body and I want to do it a certain way.’ And then it can get really unhealthy when it gets crazy.
When she works with clients, Harding makes sure to focus on how their body feels and functions rather than how it looks—a lesson she had to learn herself.
Bodybuilding trophies spread across Harding’s desk. Although he hasn’t stopped lifting weights and has still had some bad days over the past two years, he says he’s mentally better.
“Jim is great, but not everything depends on it. Is your relationship with yourself, with other people around you, with your family, friends, any loved ones you have, what do you care about?” Harding said. “Quickly, fitness can become an obsession. And then your relationship can fall apart.”
One of the symptoms of someone struggling with body dysmorphic disorder or an eating disorder is self-isolation.
Wehazit Mussie, a UNC-CH senior and representative of a university organization dedicated to body liberation and demystifying food culture, said Embody Carolina aims to combat that isolation with the community.
“Whether they suffer from it or have an eating disorder, just coming together and being in this place where there are other people who care about the same issues and you see other people struggling with it, it really makes you feel less alone,” Mosey said.
Embody Carolina hopes to spread eating disorder education on campus. The stressful transition to college creates a higher risk for an eating disorder, Gill said. But for Manell, coming to Chapel Hill and leaving lacrosse behind helped ease his obsession.
He said that playing sports in high school made him better, but in Carolina, people care more about being cute and funny, which helped him focus less on body image. At that point, Manell said he accepted what he looked like. He still struggles to take rest days from the gym, watches his diet, and takes creatine pre-workout supplements, but he only quit a few years ago.
“I’ll probably do a half scoop pre-workout. In high school, it was like, seven dudes, double scoop, 600 milligrams of caffeine,” Manell said. “But you know, my heart is happy, I don’t want to die young, so I cut it down a bit, there’s no need.”
Rachel Moody is a student at the UNC Husman School of Journalism and Media. Story shared with permission from UNC Media Hub.
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